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Funny Quotes

• The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

• Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

• I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, I only have one small problem, I lie.

• The road to success is always under construction.

• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

• To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.